“If all that matters is a healthy baby, then we’re doing it wrong”
@unthethered.womb
For thousands of years, all over the world, women have been birthing babies. Some studies even suggest that 360,000 thousand babies are birthed daily, in all corners of the world. There are so many beautiful childbirth customs across the globe, and the overarching theme is that childbirth is a thing to be deeply supported and celebrated.🌎
In Spain, giving birth is considered a family affair, where both parents are involved in preparing birth plans and go to prenatal appointments and childbirth classes together. Often during the low-risk births, the entire family will be there to offer support to the mother and newborn. -The Belly Bundle
In Ecuador “A father will work hard to build up a sweat while his wife is in labor. He then presents her with his damp shirt, thought to give her strength in the delivery room. Once the baby is born, a bed canopy is hung. This is so the mother and baby are shielded from light even while indoors. Mothers typically remain indoors with their newborns for about a month. Then they bathe with milk, rose petals, herbs, and perfume to symbolize re-entering their daily lives.” – The Belly Bundle 🌹
In Japan, hospital births are the norm, but partners are not allowed to enter the delivery room unless they have taken a childbirth and prenatal class. – The Belly Bundle
When I think of customs of childbirth and postpartum around the world, I think of profoundly practiced traditions, passed down by generations of women, that are steeped in love and spirituality.
If you were asked what the birthing customs in America are, what would you say?💭
Personally, when I think of our (mainstream) customs centered around childbirth in America, what first comes to my mind is hospital policy, OB and midwife policy, and what has been deemed as the societal norm when it comes to birth and the early postpartum period – not traditions that include the mother, father, family, and the ritual of birth itself.
I can’t accurately pinpoint where or how our societal norms around childbirth started, but chances are, that if you have given birth in our country, or if perhaps you are currently pregnant and are receiving prenatal care, you may likely have experienced one or more of the following:
– a 5-10 minute prenatal appointment
-an induction at or before 40 weeks
-a labor and delivery in the hospital where you might have had limited mobility, or been restricted on food and drink intake, or made to push on your back
-a lack of confidence to ask questions about your pregnancy and labor 😔
-a lack of emotional support from your provider
-a disconnect from your partner because they don’t fully understand or have knowledge about childbirth and how to support you
-a feeling of loneliness in that you are going through the motions of your pregnancy
What’s mind-blowing to me, is that if we experience frustration in our prenatal care and labor and delivery, we have a tendency to force ourselves forward, and have adopted the mindset that if “baby is okay, that’s all that matters”. 🤯
Let me tell you right now, we are completely justified to demand more for our pregnancies and childbirth experiences than just having baby be okay.
It’s okay to want to be seen and heard by providers, to feel respected and honored in your birth plans, to feel like you have an active role in your birth experience, to ask questions literally while pushing out a baby…the list goes on! 👏👏👏
This article is absolutely not intended to bash our medical providers (because there are some incredible ones), and there are reasons for some of the policies our hospitals practice around childbirth. This article is written to give voice to women and normalize that it’s OKAY and appropriate to want more for your care. I want to provide further insight on how you can go about changing the narrative for yourself.
According to UCLA health, the average OB appointment time is 10-15 minutes. This probably allows for a quick discussion of how your body is doing with the pregnancy and a vital check – which leaves a very small window of time to ask questions. It’s not non-existent.
But if you’re anything like me, it’s difficult to find comfort and confidence to ask a medical provider who probably doesn’t know me very well a question, and to trust that my questions will be answered with compassion, understanding, and intentionality.
The nature of our healthcare systems unfortunately doesn’t create the opportunity for bonding with our providers. And yet, we are expected to accept this level of care, and to put our trust in these providers to handle one of the most emotionally transformative moments in our lives – the moment we birth our babies and become parents.
Childbirth has become just another major medical event. We don’t ask questions, we don’t push back when we don’t agree with the course of action, and in general, we don’t have confidence. We show up to our births, accepting the norms, ready to meet our babies…
BUT…
we are missing an incredible opportunity to connect with our bodies and our babies through childbirth.
We can advocate for ourselves, we can present our providers with our birth plans and demand full respect and autonomy. We can opt-out of interventions. 🚫 We can find other providers and nurses. We can take childbirth classes and educate ourselves and our partners on childbirth and postpartum. We can choose to birth with an epidural (and still avoid other interventions – with the right support)
OR with all the interventions
OR with no interventions,
OR to go into spontaneous labor
OR induction.
Birth comes in all shapes and sizes and what is right for some, might not be what’s right for others. The most important thing to remember here is that you have a choice and a voice – waiting to be used.
If just wanting a healthy baby is not enough for you, you can demand more.
The single best thing (IMHO) you can do for yourself during pregnancy and childbirth is to find the right support, and hiring a doula to add to your support team is essential. 🌟
As a doula, I will walk with you through your pregnancy, helping you find your confidence to birth the way you truly dream about. I’ll educate you and your partner about childbirth and help you prepare a birth plan that’s right for you in a supportive, judgement-free way. As a doula, I come to you the moment you need in your labor and will not leave your side, holding space for you during labor, providing a plethora of pain relief and breathing techniques and helping guide your partner in how to support you. I will help you find your confidence and empowerment in moments where you might feel weak, so that you can birth with pride and strength.
There are so many spaces a doula can fill, but as a doula, what I find to be my greatest strength is that I value the sacredness of birth and have a deep desire for women to find the strength and passion within themselves to want more for their births.
If you’re in Eastern Washington seeking in-person doula support, check out my services page to learn more about me! If you’re not in Eastern Washington, that’s okay (although it’s really beautiful here)…I offer virtual one-on-one mindset and birth coaching and I’d love to connect with you and support you in your pregnancy!
If you’re a non-people pleaser like me, I’d love to hear your thoughts…drop a comment here & let’s connect!